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Post by egyptiandong on Jan 22, 2009 16:18:33 GMT -5
Ya that was koo'. But listen to this.
F U
I wanna fuck you
In the vajayjay
real hard
like a charizard
in the middle
of spring
bang you
till you hurtsies
then wait till you dontsies
then bang you
till you dont sees.
Plz hold your applause I know how awesome I am thank you.
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Post by Viking Dong on Jan 22, 2009 16:19:38 GMT -5
He is Sass the Bearded Bard.
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Post by egyptiandong on Jan 22, 2009 16:22:29 GMT -5
yeah, but what about my poem?
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Post by Viking Dong on Jan 22, 2009 16:23:44 GMT -5
Fuck yeah.
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Post by egyptiandong on Jan 22, 2009 16:26:41 GMT -5
His stuff was good but mine was rlly emotional and deep.
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Post by Viking Dong on Jan 22, 2009 16:27:28 GMT -5
I know, that thing was like a fucking onion.
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Post by egyptiandong on Jan 22, 2009 16:31:23 GMT -5
LOL.
Funny but troo.
Cant wait till Sass gets to read some real poetry.
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Post by Viking Dong on Jan 22, 2009 16:32:35 GMT -5
Uh oh, I smell a prose-rivalry here!
*Gets all giddy*
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Post by sascrotch on Jan 23, 2009 10:07:04 GMT -5
wow.
this was supposed to be a half-way serious thread for me to expose my work to critique.
but it looks like Thor just wants to piss me off
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Post by Conan Dong on Jan 26, 2009 9:28:18 GMT -5
*eats popcorn and waits for Thor/Sass fight and/or more poetry*
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Post by sascrotch on Jan 26, 2009 10:11:29 GMT -5
ok here's a couple more.
Dead Lies
I was told to hate them, avoid them
That they could only bring hurt
I found comfort in them
Manipulative, though cunning in my eyes
I was captured by them
Deceived
Bound in their clutches, their inescapable web
I was betrayed by them
Revealed as less than what I really was
My whole world was near ruin
Now I forsake them
Now I reject their tempting call
Now I am their master
Now I am free.
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Post by Viking Dong on Jan 26, 2009 10:14:50 GMT -5
I don't really understand it but it sounds good. Watch the parallel structure in the first paragraph, though; the use of commas makes it start to sound 'stagnated', if you will. Kinda hard to explain...
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Post by sascrotch on Jan 26, 2009 10:15:27 GMT -5
OK now one that actually rhymes lol
Tragedy
Half to breaking, still am making
No sense of your words or mine
Going under, still I wonder
Are you real or not this time
One track romance, do I have no chance
to show you who I am?
Streetlight alive, a whisper, a sigh
Would you forsake the blood of the Lamb?
Bleeding my spirit so no one can hear it
I tremble at the thought
Doves on fire, sadistic, a liar
Fall limp and are left to rot
Two souls reaching in, torn away from their sin
Still I can't help but feel all alone
Til the truth is clear and doubt disappears
I will never feel like you are home.
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Post by egyptiandong on Jan 26, 2009 10:39:19 GMT -5
Deceptive Harmony, Is this about tits?
It sounds like it is.
J/K. I know it's deep and meaningfull. It's perty kool, they both are.
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Post by sascrotch on Jan 26, 2009 10:41:07 GMT -5
no...but lol
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