Lonesome Falcon

[egyptiandong]

Hullo lads, I'm sure you all know of the wizards studies of ancient manuscripts, well over the summer I have been working alongside him to discover the wonders of forgotten tales. This one, I believe, is an actual account of a time since passed in our nations history. Written by a Larry McMurtry it is a story untouched by the government who, we know so well, seeks to deceive us and supplant all other nations by way of lying about our repugnant past and our possible repeat of it in our future. You may recognize this story as similar to another, but this is the original untouched by our oppressive leaders. This one is true.

[Viking Dong]

Can't wait brah!!!

[egyptiandong]

Dawn comes slowly to the little border town Lonesome Falcon, and as a great relief to its inhabitants. The land scorched and dead from years of unchecked necromagia among other things. It was once lush and green, but when necromancers and their minions came over from Europe the land eventually went to shambles. There was not even any good shade for miles, unless you counted Pickles Gap as good shade. The former testing grounds for a necro-researcher, the gaps only current inhabitants are the vicious undead pickle people. The pickle people look a lot like two pickles stacked atop one another with legs and arms spurting from the lower, larger pickle. They were supposed to be a way of making undead without the decomposition, and thus smell, of the body. It never caught on because, though the zombies did not decompose during the transformation they did once they were out walking in the sun a few days, and it turns out mixing death a vinegar smells rather disgusting. The unsuccessful mage then left his facility and pickle people to become feral and now it is not the safest place to be by a long shot.

Gus came moseying out of the adobe hut the crew used to store whiskey and things in. It stayed cool in the hut, though Gus would never stay in there because of the things the cool attracted. He lifted the jug to his lips for a swig. "GIT OFF THIS PORCH WITH THAT!" he suddenly shouted at the zompigs. These pigs were dumber, tho much stronger than Gus' normal pigs who were politely eating a salamander at the table inside the bunkhouse with a fork and a knife. Gus could faintly here the pigs speaking in there classy english accents from the adobe whiskey house.

"No Worthington you can have the head. I had it last time you remember."
"Why thank you Vigglesverth. Only if you insist."
"Of cooooourse."

"Git!" Gus yelled again kicking at the shoats head, they drug their kamoto dragon carcass off the porch and under the wagon a few feet away where they played tug of war with the dead reptile. Gus moved his chair into the spot they previously occupied and settled back to watch the sunset. He took another long swig of whiskey. He rarely was drunk though he did enjoy being a little toasty while watching the sunset. It made the experience that much more enjoyable.

Just as the sun came down level with the horizon Cal and Nute came up to the wagon. Gus walked down to say hello.

"You girls through already?! what is it christmas or somethin'?"
"No it ain't christmas. Hows Ja*kaju coming with dinner?"
"Well I dont know Call I assume it'll be ready soon. I hope he cleans off that damn table the pigs were using it a minute ago."
"Those damned stupid pigs."
"Stupid? Why hell Call I believe them pigsr smarter than horses and hellovalota people too."
"Them slop eatin pigs aint smarter than a horse."
"They eat with a fork and knife have civilized conversation. You ever see a horse do that?"
"You ever see a pig fly?"
"No Call I have not. You ever see a horse fly Woodrow?"
"Fuck off."

Woodrow Call then walked passed Gus and up into to the bunk house. Pea Eye then walked up to the wagon. Gus handed him the bottle which he took a long drink from, gulping the whiskey down. Pea was a tall lank man and the only one of the bunch with any training in magic, necromancy to be specific, in fact the zompigs were his doing along with Deets unfortunate botched transformation, though he was not the best he was loyal to Cal and Gus fighting beside them for many years against the indians and he was a good worker. If you gave him a task he could work at he would get it done and in good time, but his mind was not as sharp as most.

[Viking Dong]

Dude this perty awesome so far. Nice twists.