|
Post by Conan Dong on Mar 5, 2009 23:01:56 GMT -5
My story thread will be much shorter per post than the others here but will still hope to achieve the epickness of Boone of the River.
|
|
|
Post by Conan Dong on Mar 5, 2009 23:21:31 GMT -5
I couldn't see. Between the setting sun and the tears, I wasn't able to look at her grave without a hand at my face. She's dead now. After ten years of fighting and with peace in sight, she's dead. I wiped my eyes once more and resumed piling stones on the shallow pit where she lay. I was beyond exhausted and I knew the stones offered little protection, but the thought of the Reapers' gnashing teeth tearing the bloody remnants from her broken bones kept me going anyways. When I had finished, I grabbed my rifle and rose, facing away from the full moon. It's light shone down on the city, or at least what's left of it. It hard to believe that just a decade ago that the almost flat, rocky expanse, littered in crumbled remains of a fallen civilization was once New York. Most of it's gone now, all of it vaporized in an instant. What looks like a nonstop blizzard are the ashes of people...animals....churches....hospitals....memories, now just a continuous snow of whispers of what once was. The easiest place to start is at the beginning, before the war, back when everything was perfect. No wars, no crimes, no need for law enforcement. Which is why we were unprepared.........
|
|
|
Post by Conan Dong on Mar 5, 2009 23:29:00 GMT -5
Please post your impressions so far. I won't be using as heavy or as grim wordage in the rest of the story, this was just a solemn intro to all of the horrors and tragedy of what happened in the War. I haven't chosen a name for the main character yet. Any suggestions? As this is a serious story, I was thinking something not in the usual vein of Foggeriness. Like maybe Wayne or something.
|
|
|
Post by sascrotch on Mar 6, 2009 9:35:23 GMT -5
Sounds nice, how about naming him....I don't know, Darius or Zane
|
|
|
Post by Conan Dong on Mar 6, 2009 10:44:55 GMT -5
hhmmmm...I don't know about those names, but you can be more critical than just sounds nice....
|
|
|
Post by sascrotch on Mar 6, 2009 10:50:18 GMT -5
well the sentences could flow smoother. I don't think you need the 'anyways' on the fifth line. it does paint a good picture and set up the rest of the story. It leaves questions to be answered, which is always good.
|
|
|
Post by Viking Dong on Mar 10, 2009 7:32:20 GMT -5
Name him Duncan! But you are switching between tenses... watch out for that.
|
|
|
Post by sascrotch on Mar 10, 2009 8:02:02 GMT -5
I noticed that too. It goes from past to present.
|
|
|
Post by Conan Dong on Mar 10, 2009 8:20:30 GMT -5
okay, thx.
|
|
|
Post by sascrotch on Mar 10, 2009 8:48:22 GMT -5
write moar plz
|
|
|
Post by Conan Dong on Mar 10, 2009 8:49:24 GMT -5
I will, I just don't have time today.
|
|
|
Post by sascrotch on Mar 10, 2009 8:56:11 GMT -5
that's what they all say
|
|
|
Post by Viking Dong on Mar 10, 2009 8:58:14 GMT -5
Yep lol.
|
|
|
Post by sascrotch on Mar 10, 2009 9:45:11 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Conan Dong on Mar 10, 2009 9:46:40 GMT -5
seriously, dudeskie!
|
|