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Post by sascrotch on Mar 10, 2009 8:01:05 GMT -5
*poops*
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Post by Conan Dong on Mar 11, 2009 23:13:52 GMT -5
*eats chocolate ice cream just given by sass* This doesn't taste like choco----HEY!!
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Post by egyptiandong on Apr 1, 2009 16:34:05 GMT -5
This side of the gorge was again a desert. There was no sand, in stead there were flat rocks. nothing could survive here surly. "This is the fifth challenge" Flourina said. I looked around ready to take anything that may jump forward. nothing did. "Making it across this land is the challenge it will try you like no other foe" She said.
I looked around to see she was probably right. There was nothing for miles and miles. It was only a series of flat rocks. a little patch of pebbles here and there. It was incredibly hot made worse by the rocks. The heat radiated off of them. The good news was it would be easy to cook whatever I found. The bad news was there was nothing to find. It didn't look to far though. I could see the trees of the forest beyond. We began our journey.
After about 5 days I realized it was much farther than it looked. The flatness of the ground had played a trick on my mind. We now had very little water and the Forest seemed no closer. We had run out of food the 4th day. We were so hungry we could barely stand it. The nights were odd. In most desserts it gets freezing cold at night but not here. It was just as hot at night as during the day. The rocks held the heat from the day throughout the night. It was impossible to lay down we had to try to sleep standing. You cant even sit because the rocks burned through the pants. The only clothing that could take the heat were our shoes. With no sleep we were hungrier because our bodies were working longer and we were thirstier for the same reason. At the morning of the 6th day I was losing hope. We had 1/2 a canteen a piece of water. I didn't know what I was going to do to get out of this mess.
I started looking around for something, anything, that would be of help. I took my axe and swung at a large rock in my frustration. Then suddenly the rock began to crack and fall in towards the earth I backed away hoping for a solace of some sort. It didn't come. I found that the reason the rocks were hot was not from the sun but the lava flowing under neath the rocks. It was hopeless. Day seven we had no water. By the end of that day I was beginning to have odd visions. I saw a lake and topless women all having sex. When I went to join I found myself almost making out with my cousin. I would just look down and we pretended nothing happened.
Flourina had it harder than I. She would hobble along and finally on the 9th day she fell. I went to her picked off the scolding ground and looked her over. She was barely breathing. Her pulse was weak. She looked at me and it all stopped, she went limp. I new there was only one way to survive. I laid her body on the rocks after removing her clothes. I caught the drippings from her steam with a t-shirt as she cooked. After she was done I had my fill and squeezed the water from the shirt into my bottle. I made it because of her sacrifice. Whether it was willing or not I would never know. That didn't exactly help the guilt, but I did what I had to. I made it across on the 15th day. I was completely drained. I collapsed to the grass covered grass and slept.
I dreamed of her. Some dreams were bad some were good. Some were of her in her rotting burned flesh screaming at me then going silent and turning her back. Others were of her smiling happy supporting. I had dreams of the falcons also. They flew to the bottom of a deep ravine just past a forest much like the one I had just reached. They perched a top a lonely little cabin with a little weed patch in the front yard with all kinds of herbs and "herb". There was an older woman in the house waiting. I woke.
It was dark. I didn't know nor did I care how long it had been since I had fallen to sleep. All I knew was there lay before me one more challenge.
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Post by egyptiandong on Apr 1, 2009 17:00:08 GMT -5
I rose from my bed of grass. Well it was more dirt now. It seemed the grass had been worn away there, leaving nothing but a little packed dirt patch. I walked into the forest. After fighting through vines and stumbling over the foliage that covered the ground I came across a clearing of only trees. The trees were so tall and there leaves so thick on sun shown on the ground. Only large mushrooms lay about. Some were as tall as me. They were a brownish colour with grey spots. I wondered if the were good to eat. I still hadn't eaten and I was will to try anything so I took a bit from one and took it back to the rock fields. I cooked and ate it. It tasted pleasant, and I didn't feel poisoned. In fact I felt great. I jumped up I felt completely rejuvenated. I ran through the forest easily breaking my way back through the outer foliage and again into the clearing.
I kept running when suddenly I was tripped up. I landed on my face, but jumped up and drew my axe. A small man with an odd pointed hat and pointed ears stood before me leaning on a mushroom. He said nothing, but drew a short rapier and jumped on top of the mushroom. I was ready, but then 100s of the little bastards came from behind mushrooms and out of trees and holes in the ground. I was surrounded. They were all holding rapiers or little spears some of the bigger ones, only coming to my chest, held hammers. They were wearing clothes that looked as though they were some how woven from the fibers of the mushrooms and they wore chest plates from the wood of the giant trees. They were pasty white and there large black eyes pierced the darkness with ease.
I couldn't see to run even if there were a way out. The first one that tripped me asked "Why have you come here? You have eaten from the sacred Grasha and you aren't even of our kind. That crime is punishable by death.". I stood for a minute not knowing what to say. I told of my plight from the beginning. Hearing this the little man said "Your story is truly sad, but ends now. This is of no concern of is and as such you have nothing that would stop us from killing you" a spear zoomed by my head. I chopped the head from the leader but as it landed on the mushroom it was replaced onto his body as though nothing had happened. I grabbed some of a near by mushroom and ran. I was able to run through most of them due to the size difference but whenever I was hurt the contact with the mushroom kept me safe. The leader began firing some sort of magic missile.
I blocked it with my axe, but the second one hit me in the chest knocking the mushroom from my reach. I was immobile they surrounded me and began a chant then everything went black.
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Post by egyptiandong on Apr 1, 2009 17:09:31 GMT -5
I woke inside of a tree tied down. I was confused I should already be dead. I looked and saw the first female little creature I had come in contact with. She was actually rather beautiful. Not in a way that I would wanna fuck her till she broke, but she was more like a child. She had fair skin her ears were not pointed, her skin was flawless no blemishes to be found. Her big dark piercing eyes cut to the bone as she noticed I was awake and look at me. Her face was proportional to a human other than they slightly large eyes. Her black hair fell around her face giving a contrasting outline to her white face. She spoke "You have half of the day left. We only kill at night." "Is there anyway out of this? I mean I would do anything i mean anything to get loosed from here." I replied. I didn't want to but if I had to I would use my Egyptian prowess on this girl.
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Post by Viking Dong on Apr 1, 2009 17:36:16 GMT -5
Dude, fucking epick!! Keep it goin, man, I'm hooked lol.
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Post by egyptiandong on Apr 6, 2009 16:44:09 GMT -5
The girl looked at me pondering for a moment. "Anything" she asked with a sly grin. I could practically see the thoughts running through her head. "OK" she finally said and began to untie me. When I was freed she led me out through the back of the village. When we got to where she could still call for help but a little outside the village she turned to me. "You said I could ask you for anything right?" she asked again with that little grin. "Yes" I replied ashamed but not regretting the sacrifice I was about to make for my life. "I want you to marry me"............................................................................. LOL "wut?". I stood bewildered at my ridiculous mistake. "Umm maybe you should take me back." I said. She laughed as though I were making a joke. This was no laughing matter. I was stuck possibly marrying this girl. Then it hit me maybe she is actually young for her people. She did look around 16 in human years just a little short. "Well there is a bit of an age difference" she said. I waited in anticipation for the answer. "328". "What?" this kept getting worse, but then I realized maybe she didn't have that long left anyway. "But you don't have to worry I still have another hundred to spend with you" she said promptly as though this would reassure that I made a "good" decision. I agreed to this hoping sometime I could get her into a bad situation and then just not save her. I couldn't kill her, she saved my life. That is against the Fucin law. I decided that I should trade this risk for the sure death. It was getting dark and they would come to take me to my death soon so we made off.
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Post by egyptiandong on Apr 6, 2009 16:53:55 GMT -5
I completed the final challenge. Finally I could get to Inga and hopefully find something worth knowing. This is what I thought. Apparently Inga had other thoughts when setting up the challenges. She assumed noone would be dumb enough to eat a huge mushroom that would piss off the Droves when there were bananas growing on the trees. So sue me I didn't see the fucking bananas. My new fiance and I kept walking. Suddenly the earth begins to shake in small increments one after the other like footsteps. Then I see who the footsteps belong to. A huge cyclops. 20 feet tall a little chunky but mostly muscle. It was bald and its one eye moved around looking for anyone who wanted to pass through this part of the jungle. I started thinking. I could possibly use my genie ego to grant it a wish to let me pass, or I could try to beat it. Since it was huge I opted to try my genie hand.
I came out from the bush and began to speak, but I guess I scarred the huge bastard because he jumps at me with his fists in the air to crush me. I dodge out of the way and press the dildo of the earth to the ground. The beast falls off balance and to the ground. I run toward it and swing my axe at his neck but it rolls and I barely nick him. He jumps to his feet and gets hit with a magic missile in the chest. He falls back again. I look back at the girl impressed then I make my move. I jump and grab the skin that hung off where the missile had impacted as the giant rose. The dumb bastard went to hit me and I moved up around his neck and behind his head. He hit himself in his wound. He screamed then reached and jumped and made me drop my axe. I grabbed around his head and pulled it back using my legs on his shoulders. "Hit him in the Neck!" I yelled. She did and the monster fell dead.
Now I couldn't even leave the girl she saved me twice. Shit.
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Post by Viking Dong on Apr 15, 2009 8:04:16 GMT -5
Noice, but you gotta continue some moooar, mangalo.
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Post by Conan Dong on Apr 15, 2009 9:10:07 GMT -5
Yeah, fulfill your claims like the rest of us don't.
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Post by egyptiandong on Apr 15, 2009 16:34:31 GMT -5
We continued on to the little cabin from my dream down in the ravine I remembered so vividly. We climbed down the weed was even larger than it had been in my dream. It had the Light of Jah, Early God Bud, Silver Haze, Purple Haze, Shiva, Swiss Miss, Hiwaii Skunk, and many many more. I was amazed. I went up and knocked on the door. I heard the voice of a young strong woman answer allowing my entrance. I opened the door to a burst of deep grey smoke that smelled sweeter than any I had ever come in contact with before. The old woman sat in a rocking chair in the corner of the one room of the house with a long wooden pipe with a beautiful leather bowl.
The woman looked up at me from her seat. "Hello Thorrior" she calmly said as she offered me and the girl a seat on the bed next to her. We did and she offered us pipes and I took mine, but the girl had never partaken in the sacred leaf. I was amazed when she said in her culture it was looked down upon. I told he she could share with me and she agreed after I informed her no woman of mine would be a fucking square. I sat and listened to Inga who seemed to know exactly why I had come. She informed me that Rob not only was gay but a closet case. There was already attempted rebellions against him the people were growing anxious and long awaited my return. She informed me that though Rob was a great swordsman he was also a coward who would do anything to avoid pain or capture. Inga then let me smoke my fill and loaded bags with my favorites and plenty of seeds to start my own garden when I retake my kingdom.
I left after my two day stay. While the girl was away from me Inga held me by the arm and said "She will be a strong queen and will help greatly in your battle. You can not regain your kingdom nor keep it without her. You need her, and though you worry now you will become used to her company and you will enjoy her greatly before long.". With that I left.
It was rather easy going back. I just had to make a bit of a wide path around those short fuckers, but I had already defeated everything so it was nothing to big.
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Post by Conan Dong on May 6, 2009 12:19:57 GMT -5
Aye, that'll do!
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Post by egyptiandong on Oct 6, 2009 9:56:06 GMT -5
Quest for the Turkey Anus 2 is starting on page 247 of the Hub.
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Post by Viking Dong on Oct 6, 2009 14:17:57 GMT -5
Sweetness.
You ever gonna continue this, brah?
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Post by egyptiandong on Oct 13, 2009 20:22:29 GMT -5
Ya sometime.
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