St. Thor's Life Story

[egyptiandong]

The Quest For Turkee

Jim:Totally, I can't wait to get some turkee anus. Where do you think has the best turkee anus?

Thorr:Um, Turkey duh.

Jim: Wtf why didn't I think of that.

When should we embark on this epic quest for Turkey?

Thorrr: Hmmmm...
Now?

Jim: Righteous!
*Hops on board plane 2 Turkey in search of turkee anus*

*Plane is hijacked by a New Swaziland terrorist*


Jim: *Oh fukk, what are we gonna do, Thor?*

Thorrrr: *Punches*
*another hijacker attax*

Jim: *Casts fireb0llz at terrorists, but they keep appearing*
*Holy Toledo, what are we gonna do?*

Thorrrrr: Dunno
*keeps punching*
maybe we should summon the Cockatron!!!

Jim: Are you sure? We banished him long ago because his terroristic regime... do think he'd still help us?

*Keeps casting fireb0llz*

Thorrrrrr:*still punching*
I dont know but I dont think we have any other choice.
We have to jooin hands!!!
*holds out a hand while still punching with the other*
It's not gay if we're summoning a Cock Bot!!!

Jim: Of course!
*Takes hand while casting fireb0llz with the other*
*Begins to summon C0ckatron!*

We mumble words of Arthemaeic, Latin, and Fuc. The Cockatron appears in all his sexyness and destroys the hijackers. As he departs he warns us that he will collect his payment next we meet or else.

We reach Turkee. First we check out some anus stores to see what they have and then we go in search of the Glorious Golden Turkey. We head for the Shining Mount Yrael.

Jim: *At the Shining Mount of Yrael*
Hmm, those guards don't look too friendly, they have some pretty big spears....

Thorrrrrrr: Yeah.
I have an idea.
*walks up and punches one in the face
the other turns to attack but I grab the spear, break it, and shove it through his eye*
Kay let's go.

We then come to three hallways. Jim flips his magick three sided coin which determines we should go trough the middle hall.

We then come to a large door which Jim blows down with Fireb0llz. We battle a horde of orcs untill we decide the numbers are not in our favor. We attempt to summon the Cockatron a second time but to no avail. Jim uses his most powerful attack, MEGAB0LLZ. The use of this most Epick Magicks drains his power to the point of distress. The only thing that can save him now is the Golden Turkey Anus.

Thorrrrrrrr: *heads up the next set of stairs which leads to another door*
I'm not falling for another trap.
*busts through the door like an idiot. Ready for battle, but only met by a young girl*
Young lady what is your name?
"I'm death to you"
What?
*little girl attacks. I kill her with one punch to the throat. I then notice a bomb with a wire attached to her heart. This means when the heart stops the bomb starts. I run outside the room and close the door. The bomb blows the heavy oak door off the hinges, over my head, and down the stairs. Dazed I begin my trek up the next flight of stairs. These lead to an opening to the outside and I found myself standing on top of a mountain staring at a large golden glorious bird. I quickly snatched up the Turkee and ran back to my partner.*

Sassy: *jumps out in front of Thor*
Nay, mighty warrior of Fuc.
You shall not help the Wizard...

Thorrrrrrrrr: You, but why?
I suppose it has something to do with the reason you refused to work with us.

Jim: *You must defeat him, before I die! I can't last much longer without the Golden Turkee Anus. Help, Thor!*

Sassykins: *points at Thor*
Tell me where my father is and you may assist the cowardly Viking.
Do it not, and your friend will die today...and never return.

Thorrrrrrrrrr: Your Father, Grey, Lives in a small hut. He is Accompanied by a man named J.R.R. Tolkien. The hut is in Russia close to the village Roughtlee. I believe you will be surprised when you meet him.

NOW LET ME PASS!!!

(to be continued)

[Viking Dong]

;D ;D ;D

[sascrotch]

epic much...

[egyptiandong]

Toitr anywaiz.

Sassylungs: *ponders*

You may go, proud warrior. But mark my words - soon your kingdom shall belong to the Asgiliad.

*rubs teleportation ring*
*is gone*

Thorrrrrrrrrrr: *gives turkey anus*

Jim: *Is restored back to full health*

Finally! Let's get out of here before more the Turkish guards show up!

*Walks out of the front door*

*The Cockatr0n is waiting outside*

[egyptiandong]

To be continued, again.

[sascrotch]

hee hee..

[egyptiandong]

just read pages 126 - 131 and beyond in "The Hub" for the story.

[egyptiandong]

on to 134 now guys.
This thing is getting long as Fuck.

[Viking Dong]

Bodiddly-dacious, mang.

[egyptiandong]

well anyway back to my tale of the badlands.

Gulmo's Pleasure

After walking for days across the desolate land our canteens ran dry and our packs became discouragingly barren of food. We began to grow weak and just as our last strength began to fail we heard a familiar sound. I heard the sound of rushing water. We ran to the river. It was running very quickly. The river was very clear and full of large red snappah. "This river may seem as a blessing Thorr, but it is full of deceit" began Flourina. "What's wrong with it?" I asked. "A great water serpent lives in this river, named Gulmo, and she will not allow anyone to pass nor gain nourishment from this river unless her pleasures are met." Continued Flourina. "So I have to fuck a snake?"
"Well she can take human form"
Knowing i have the cock of an Egytian this task didn't even phase me. I fucked the beast and pleasured her with the Dildo of Earth untill she came enough to deepen the river. We stayed with Gulmo for days drinking from the river and eating the fish. When it was time to move on she helped us across and wished us well.

[egyptiandong]

The other side of Gulmo's river was a rather beautiful land. It was full of green trees and weeds and flowers of all kinds. We had our fill of smoke and fruits and the little springs throughout the land provided us with water to fill our canteens.

After a few days of this merry way we came upon a troll lying in our path.The large creature lay in front of a bridge that swung above a large ravine. "Awaken Troll!!! We must pass!!!" I yelled in the troll's large hairy ears. The troll didn't even pause his snores, but snored louder.

Frustrated I took The Dildo of Earth and pressed it to the ground and turned the dial. The earthquake woke the Troll, and in his rage he lunged at Flourina and I. I drew my Axe and with a quick swing I removed one of the beasts long arms. The troll screamed in pain, but did not stop. He came at me with all the rage within his heart. I was thrown to the ground and my axe was tossed afar off. I arose to my feet and began to run towards the Axe, but the troll pulled a great oak tree up from it's roots and began to swing it as though it were a club. Now weaponless I just tried to dodge the creatures vicious swings.

Then suddenly the earth began to shake with the vigor of the Goddesses orgasm. The beast was cast to the ground. I looked for Flourina and sure enough she stood 50-yards away with the Dildo of the Earth pressed to the ground. I managed to get to my feet and stumble toward my axe. As I reached it she paused the quake and jumped upon the troll's breast and smote his head. I stood then victorious upon the beast leaning against my axe looking as I am, a Warrior King of Fuc.

[egyptiandong]

After passing the 3rd of 6 tasks we continued on the journey. It was difficult crossing the gorge because when we caused the earth quake it knocked down the bridge. I had to throw a rope with a grappling hook across and swing down then climb up the rope with Flourina strapped to my back. It sucked but now that that was behind us I was anxious meet my next challenge.

[egyptiandong]

Our galaxy conquest is around 57 on The Fogaversery.

[sascrotch]

sweet

[egyptiandong]

The Swamp

On the other side of the bridge it was a swamp. The most disgusting, smelly, uncomfortable place so far. It took days to go maybe a mile. It was made especially worse since Flourina was missing a damn leg. After weeks of traveling through this Hellish swamp we came upon a tree which was larger than all the others and behind the tree was a rock wall. The wall was tall, probably around 80 feet, and sheer with no foot nor hand hold to be seen. The tree was around 30 feet tall and wide about the base. It had many long branches off the main trunk but not from the branches. The branches came to large heavy club-like ends with no leaves.

I decided, after long deliberation, to climb the tree and see if I could find any way to get further from there. I took off my weapons and bag and began the climb. About half-way up the tree began to shake. was bewildered, feeling no breeze. Then it opened it's eyes, It was an ent, but apparently not the nice type of ent because it grabbed me and cast me into the muddy swamp water.It then pressed it's foot on top of me holding me under the water. I thought I would surely drown the tree man was to big I couldn't just sweep or lift him off. Then I feel the ground tremble. It was Flourina with the Dildo of the earth again. This only made things worse, large tentacle-like roots came from the things feet and dug into the ground around me. Now I felt like I was being smashed between the mud and the foot while drowning.