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Post by Viking Dong on Sept 8, 2008 8:37:12 GMT -5
I just realized we don't have a joke thread.
My mind is blank at the moment so post away!
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Post by sascrotch on Sept 8, 2008 9:48:51 GMT -5
This guy got a new sports car. He and his wife went driving and he asked her "If I get this thing over 200 mph, will you take off all your clothes?" She agreed, and he floored it. Pretty soon he was past his mark so she stripped off all she had on. The man became so entranced by his naked wife that he lost control and crashed. The woman was flung from the car, and the man was lodged under the steering wheel. The man told her to go get help, but she said "I can't! I'm naked!" So he looked around but all he could get to was his shoe. So he gave it to her and told her again to go for help. The woman covered herself as best she could, and finally found a service station. She went up to the clerk and said "you have to help me! My husband is stuck!" The clerk looked down at the shoe between her legs and said "I'm sorry, ma'am, but it looks like he's too far gone"
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Post by egyptiandong on Sept 8, 2008 16:01:12 GMT -5
LOL
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Post by egyptiandong on Sept 8, 2008 16:03:11 GMT -5
A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating. The zookeeper approaches a redneck janitor with a proposition. “Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500?” he asks.
The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: “First, I don’t want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this.” The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.
“Well,” says the janitor, “I’m gonna need another week to come up with the $500.”
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Post by Viking Dong on Sept 9, 2008 7:56:15 GMT -5
luls
A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office for a sperm count test. The doctor gave the man a jar, told him to take it home and return the next day with a sample.
The next day, the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave the doctor the jar, which was as clean and empty as on previous day. The doctor asked what happened.
"Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then with my left... still nothing. Then, I asked my wife for help. She tried her right hand... but nothing. Then her left... still nothing. She even tried with her month, both with and without her teeth... and still nothing. We even called the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the damn jar open!"
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Post by sascrotch on Sept 9, 2008 14:29:54 GMT -5
badda bing
A man finds a bottle and inside are two genies. They tell him they will grant him 3 wishes. The man makes his wishes and the next thing he knows, he's standing in the middle of a huge mansion. The man is ecstatic. Then he sees dozens of hot women walking around and smiling at him sensually. He is the happiest he's ever been, then he hears a knock on the door. On the way to answer it, the floor feels funny, so he looks down to find the floor covered in money. The man believes this is the best day ever. When he answers the door it turns out to be the two genies. Before he can thank them, they drag him out to a tall tree, tie a rope around his neck and around the tallest branch, and drop him off, killing him instantly. While the genies are walking away, one says to the other, "I can understand why he wanted to be super rich and have dozens of beautiful women to sleep with him. But i can't for the life of me figure out why he wanted to be well hung!"
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Post by egyptiandong on Sept 17, 2008 14:42:29 GMT -5
LULZ
Knock knock "Who's There" Your friend Joe and I'll always be here.
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Post by Viking Dong on Sept 17, 2008 14:58:02 GMT -5
Awesomo
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Post by sascrotch on Sept 18, 2008 9:51:44 GMT -5
that's totally from family guy
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Post by Viking Dong on Sept 19, 2008 20:04:05 GMT -5
From ultimate guitar, on the funny exam answers thread. Not really a joke, but hey:
his guy my dad knew in college decided to take drugs before an exam that people had said improved your memory and made you write quicker. he was writing for 5 hours and did 20 pages, everyone thought he must have done great including him.. but when he got his results back he got a U turns out he'd just written 'what what what what what what..' for 20 pages because the drugs had made his mind lock on that one word
massive plan backfire..
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Post by sascrotch on Sept 22, 2008 10:17:20 GMT -5
see children drugs are bad if you don't believe me ask your dad and if you don't believe him ask your mom she'll tell you how she did them all the tom so kids say no to drugs and don't end up like everyone else does and there's really nothing else to say drugs are just bad, m'kay?
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Post by Viking Dong on Oct 20, 2008 10:39:19 GMT -5
This thread turned out to be the joke LOL.
So let's spam it up I say!
*is backed in a corner wielding a snappah*
I'll fight to the death I tell ye! Stand fast knaves!
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Post by sascrotch on Oct 20, 2008 10:41:57 GMT -5
*throws spam*
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Post by Viking Dong on Oct 20, 2008 10:44:53 GMT -5
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Post by sascrotch on Oct 20, 2008 10:46:11 GMT -5
troo dat
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